The Different Types of Memoirs (as described by me)

I have a real love/hate relationship with memoirs. After all, I’ve been writing one for over a decade. In recent years I took it upon myself to read the genre. It seemed only right to do my research by reading what was out there. It didn’t take me long to pick up on the different types of memoirs. We’ve got:

• famous people memoirs (most recently everyone’s been obsessed with Spare which is Prince Harry’s story)
• smart people memoirs. Ok, I imagine you rolling your eyes at this, but here’s what I’ve found. For much of the memoir genre, if the author isn’t famous, they often are really smart, notable people in the PhD or MFA realm. Most of my favorites come from this category. (Wild by Cheryl Strayed and Everything Happens for a Reason and other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler)
• random people who experience something crazy and write about it (This would be me and my book, Finding Gideon and I don’t even deserve to be listed next to her, but Corrie Ten Boom and her book The Hiding Place)

The Synopsis for How to Stay Married

Harrison Scott Key is a father, writer, and husband who copes with life by being funny. Just when he thinks life is really getting good, his wife announces she’s in love with someone else. Key slices his heart, mind, faith, and marriage open and leaves it on the table for us to dissect. He takes us through what he really thought about Christianity and the rollercoaster of his faith (and lack thereof) as an important backdrop to the story. Then he chronicles how his wife and the man who wears cargo shorts have an on again off again relationship all while Key tries to hold on to a covenant he made to a woman he loved.

I’ll be honest. I know a couple who have been through a version of this. At some point in their marriage, one of them cheated. They decided to stay together and now have a beautiful, strong, happy marriage. Many more couples in my circle have been through this and are no longer together. Before marriage was even a part of my life, I decided that if my husband ever cheated on me, I was out. This story was eye-opening and heart-changing. 

What Made Me Love This Story

Three things made this story stand out to me:

1. In a world where culture says marriage should make us happy all the time, Key takes a stand. He doesn’t give up or give in. He digs into his faith, leans on friendships and professional help, and keeps going when most of us would have been long gone.

2. It was hilarious. There were moments I was laughing and three sentences later I’m crying and then I became this laugh/crying mess which made me laugh harder, and cry harder, and then snot’s pouring out my nose. If that isn’t the mark of great writing, I don’t know what is.

3. The praying friends. There was a scene in Key’s backyard where his imperfect friends from his church filled with broken, messed up people, set down their beers and laid hands on Key. They prayed broken, gut-wrenching prayers over him. All I could do was imagine the Bible story where the friends cut a hole in a roof and lower their friend down in front of Jesus to be healed. I prayed to have friends like this and even more, to be a friend like this.

What I Would Change

Funny story. This book came highly recommended to me when I mentioned to some friends that I’m working on a secret project about healing marriages. Over holiday while we were in Mississippi, I stopped at Lemuria bookstore in Jackson to see if they would carry my book, Finding Gideon. They said yes (so be sure to stop by and grab a copy!), and while I was there I bought a signed copy of this book everyone has been telling me to read. Then I drove to my in-laws house.

That evening I excitedly sat in the living room and *dived into my new book while my husband and his parents watched football. “What are you reading?” they asked. I smiled, “It’s called How to Stay Married!” Cue suspicious looks from my in-laws. For three days I found myself explaining over and over that it was a really great story about someone else’s marriage. And that people I respect recommended it. And no, Joey, nothing is wrong with our marriage and we don’t need to talk.

So if I could change anything, it would be the title. But I couldn’t help but wonder if Harrison Scott Key would laugh at me and cherish the title even more after my story. 

*my autocorrect program says “dived” is the correct usage, so I’m going with it

What’s Your Favorite Memoir?

I mentioned earlier I have a love/hate relationship with memoirs. I find they either annoy me and I don’t get more than 30% through, or I absolutely love it and can’t stop talking about it.

What’s a memoir that stayed with you?