The whirlwind of senior year had begun. I had traded in my softball cleats for pom poms, and when I wasn’t practicing I was studying for my AP classes. In my “spare time” I rode Gideon and worked for a friend riding her Morgan horses. My college applications were sent in and it was that “hurry up and wait” period. Acceptance letters didn’t take too long to come in, but that was a given with the schools I had applied for. What I was anticipating were the scholarship offers.
My AP English class was all seniors, and thanks to us being a defiant group, the teacher had all but given up on controlling us. It was one of those days when she had lost control, and everyone was chatting about where they were going to school. Most were saying Ole Miss or Mississippi State and discussing which fraternity or sorority they would pledge. My fate still rested in the hands of those divying out scholarships and I could only hope and pray for the best. In an effort to avoid the conversation, I tried to slip out of the classroom claiming “potty break.” I was nearly free when one of my buddies called me out. “Sarah, where are you going?”
me – “I don’t know yet”
Tom – “I thought you wanted to go to the University of Kentucky. Did you not get in?”
me – “I got in”
Tom – “So why aren’t you going?”
The entire class stared at me expectantly. They actually smiled – excited for me that I had been accepted. Most of them drove BMW’s or brand new Honda Accords as their first car, so it was a little hard to explain that my fate hung on scholarships. I gave Tom a pained look and fled to the bathroom. A few days later he presented me with the quarter that represented the state of Kentucky. It has a picture of a Thoroughbred on it, and Tom told me it reminded him of me. That quarter became a symbol of my dream and the friends that supported me. I still have that exact coin with a proud horse on it that encourages me to always stay focused on my dreams – whatever they may be.
The letters finally arrived. Kentucky offered me – hold your breath – $400/yr to cover books! Gosh. Thanks. School was going to cost me around $15k a year and they were kind enough to buy my books. I really don’t remember this, but my mom told me I called UofK to discuss the scholarship offer. When they wouldn’t give me what I needed, I informed them they would regret their decision and hung up the phone.
One school was more than excited about me. As several of my friends clung on the hope that Mississippi College would send them a big scholarship, it was my greatest fear. Every afternoon I drove home from school and held my breath as I opened the mailbox, wishing away what I knew deep in my soul was my inevitable fate. Those who had gone before me told me what it looked like, so the day I pulled the knob on our heavy metal mailbox to reveal a shiny green envelope with a red ribbon printed on it I began to shake. I slowly tore the top open, and as I read the letter tears streamed down my face carrying with them my dream of galloping racehorses in Kentucky. Mississippi College was offering me the highest scholarship that the school offered. Couple that with the scholarship I received from the state for being a good student, and my education at a top notch, Baptist, private school would be nearly free.
Along with the sadness came guilt. So many people I knew wanted that letter – the one that made everything I longed for seem to crash around me. I wished that I could give it to them. But I couldn’t.
Lesson for the day: Try your hardest, give it your all, and know in the end that it’s all in God’s hands.
Soli deo gloria,
Sarah
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